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We saw in the preceeding verses of Ephesians, Paul prepared us for the advise and commands to come...the justification, adoption, inheritance and the ongoing sanctification provides the backdrop to the next 11 verses on how a husband and wife should act.
We already saw that fornication, sexual impurity and impure thoughts leads to destruction, so as believers in Christ, we are to respond likewise to the grace that was shown by our new found Father in Heaven. This ensures that we are loyal and one-woman man to our wife and the sanctity of our marriage.
We now look to focus just on our wife, going beyond staying married, maintaining fidelity and being loyal, as we have defeated our old dead self by the resurrection of our Lord!
As we start, we see an interesting fact - the three commands he has for the wife and the 10 commands he has for the husband.
Commands to the wife
- [22] subject to your husband
- [24] like church to Christ subject to your husband in everything
- [33] see to it that you respect your husband
Commands to the husband
- [23] be head of the wife
- [23] be like Christ, being a savior of the body/wife
- [25] love your wife like Christ loves the church
- [25] give yourself up for your wife
- [26] sanctify your wife by washing with the word
- [27] make her holy and blameless
- [28] love your wife as your own body
- [28] love your wife as yourself
- [31] leave your mom and dad and be joined to your wife
- [33] love your wife
Some observations
- 4 times, Paul affirms us to love our wife, which suggests its hard for us to do that as its not in our nature or is a serious matter or both
- not once does he command the wife to love her husband, but he asks her respect the husband twice, other than the generic love each other command in the gospel [Jhn 13:34]
- use of love is the greek word agapao which is the same word used in several NT, the main one being [Mar12:30] you shall love your God with...
- the washing in the washing of water by the word, indicates to baptism in [Titus3:5]
- how are we supposed to love our wifes? - simply as Christ loved us [Eph5:2]
- subjecting of wife to her husband and his will has to be hard, as it was the curse from God in [Gen3:16]
Application to me
This is humbling in many ways to see the responsibility I have towards Stefanie. I wanted my wife to love me and have the special feelings towards me etc. The focus I desired and demanded was romance. This is and was primarily motivated by the greco-roman notion of romance and love. Its all eros and the command here is agapao. This is the direct opposite of what is asked of me as a follower of Jesus.
I shouldnt care if my wife loves me or respects me or submits to me, I am commanded to be her
- savior
- protector
- provider
- nurturer
- lover
- friend
- entertainer (not the Hollywood kind)
making her the most important person in my life, after God. This is unconditional, as Christ's love is unconditional and is not related to or dependent on my wife's love or respect or subjection to me.
The way I will deserve her respect and submission is by being to her, like Christ is to His body - the church. Jesus laid His life and suffered, God The Father's wrath for all of us, and the best I can do is be contented in my provision for her?
Knowing all provisions comes from God, then I am left with giving my own body for my bride, laying down my life for her. This translates into few tangible things, that I must do (and havent in the past)
- prioritizing her over my work, friends (even if they are Christians), family and the world
- praying with her and raising her up in prayer, so she is protected, like Christ prayed for us
- become the spiritual warrior for her, so I am fighting against any spiritual forces that are attacking her and our family
- bathing her with the word every day with both individual bible study and couple study
- goto sleep after she falls asleep, no matter how tired I am
- getting up earlier even if I had only few hours of sleep to prioritize my personal devotional or prayer time
- show her that she is the most important person in my life next to Jesus, by my words and actions
- create environments and situations in the house where she feels valued and nurtured by me and what I can create in her: this can be giving her the independence she needs to pursue her wishes and desires, trusting her more in financial decisions, freeing her up of some daily chores so she can spend more time in the word and the like
- dont judge her against my standards or put her on a pedestal to win sex points
- check on her heart daily and see where she is, given her health and season of her life, so I dont take what I hear or see at face value but in the depth of her soul
- treat her like the daughter of God, as she is, and think twice about how my FATHER-IN-LAW will feel in how I am treating her before chastizing, scolding or using stern language or attitude
- from the food I eat, to my workout to my bible study have the context of where my wife sits on the priority and the attitude I need is that of her savior, that I am not squirriling out on my own needs and desires or feeling self-justified and self-important
- do small and big things through out every day and most days of the week that affirms my love for her, not just in words but in actions
- satisfy her mind, sould and body instead of just her body
I want her to be like a fruitful vine within my house [Psa 128:3] which means that I am walking with the Lord and fear the Lord [Psa 128:4]
The only way I can even come close to some of this, is by the power of God's work in me - I will be on my knees more than I do to this date, to ask Jesus and Holy Spirit to work through me so I can build my feelings, thoughts and desires on Him around my bride and to keep the commands He has given to us in this section, glorifying His name in how I treat and love my bride.